Forgive and Forget

30th December 2005,

It's 12.38pm Lunch time in another 20 mins. Take the time to write the blog. I remember I shared in the EPCC Forum about forgive and forget, and now I am actually questioning the reality- whether is this really exist? Forgive and forget? In His Word, He remember our sins no more. God forgive and forget, completely wipe off our sins, can't remember anything else- how about us? How do we forgive and allow the reconcilation with our brother and sister in Christ, once hurt us?

This experience coming back again last night, It has been 3 years, I thought it's all done with, it's all over, but I can't believe it coming back again. Is it means I haven't forgive- checking deep my heart? How can I react over such matter? What happen?

Last night was in ex-House. Had dinner with Felix and Helena, then invited Andrew to come over our home for fellowship. There come a call- it work out well, I try to tone down my voice, be cool and answer the phone- but he keep on digging back the past, keep on torturing me with what I've done to him which I did not, keep on never endingly wants me to answer to where we can take this friendship level to? What do you mean? Friendship, acquaintance level? Yes, I did not denied that we once a friend, once acquintance...but now, I don't know how to take that level? I forgive- and that's it, I forgive..all the hurts, I forgive, yet he never wanna let me go. Have I forgiven? I'm so deepenly sad, he made me shed tears again- a punching bag. Teach me how to react? Felix said you should just go on with life, put your feet down, not emotionally shaken by this- not worth. I know, but I can't help to be sad. I'm scared. That night, I received 2 smses from him. I knew it will not be good one, and indeed so. This morning I received another 2 smses- make up to 4 smses, all cursing me, hurting me. Sad case- I'm not angry, am I hurt, of coz...but I just so sad- pitiful that such a man that claimed to knew God's Word strongly can react this way to the fella believers- no many negatives things. I got to be mean- I don't want to, but here I got to be firm...

Lord teach me what to do? I forgive him as You have forgiven me, but I can't love him as You loved me. You send people to love him and help him- I can't Lord. I don't know why this can just drag on till 3 years. it's so tiring- the friendship once shared now so tiring. Teach me in such situation- guide my heart, I need Your wisdom- only You counsel I seek. I can't pray for him Lord- I just couldn't Lord- hope You understand. I remember him and trust it to You. Now the problems is not longer mine- It's Yours, and I trust You will handle it, You will take care of it. I refuse to feel guilty and angry, I let go all the hurts and unforgiveness- it's all in Your hands. Lord, take it, and heal my heart- any bitterness, hurts, heal, and it's health, In Jesus's Name. I'm freed from all emotional entanglement. Amen!

Listen- Just listen....

29th December 2005,

I realise this a few days ago when Felix said I don't listen. I used to be a good listener, a friend that can sit long with you and listen on the sharing and just being there, to just listen. I used to be...yet...just recently I realise that it's no more. My ear as if has been shut, and my heart has been very impatient with the deep sharings- I wonder why is that so. A listening ear, slow to speech and quick in listening. Felix has been pissed off when seeing such change in me- I don't wanna listen anymore, I have enough sorrows of my own. That should not be the attitude. A listening friends....I need them when I need them to listen, so how should I react when others need my ear, my heart to identify with them, and not by giving any advice, just as friends, being there- knowing that you care...

O Lord, forgive me for my impatience and my lacking in listening. Help me to be slow to speech and quick to listen, help me to be wise in the words that I choose that it will not tear others down, but build others up. That my mouth may speak of blessings, and my presence will bring comfort and love. Let the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be ever pleasing to You, ever pleasing to You Lord. Take the coal and cleanse my lips, here I am...

Can't live a day without You

29th December 2005,

5.30pm Thursday evening. Still in hospital- not gonna be having dinner with mum coz she has appointment with aunt. Am listening to few songs, the nice one- I love the most is "Can't live a day without You". The lyric very good- I love it, it speak through my heart during the LifeGames Mimes. It speaks of the season that I've gone through, how's my journey to live with Him and without Him, how do I live till today- because of the reason He lives- He's there with me. May it be the prayer of my heart "I live because You live- You're everything to me". The closeness that I long for, that I had been yeilding before. It speaks of His Presence with me, in this journey of life. I can live without many things in life and carry on..but I couldn't possibly live alone, without Him. "You are the heartbeat of all I do". I can do eveything, everything, but if He's not in it, it comes to nothing. May it be the pray of my heart to live with Him all the days of my life...how do you live?

Christmas Caroling_GMC

28th December 2005,

It's 5.18pm. In hospital, waiting for caroling. Kinda excited. We gonna do this again- has been 3 years continuously we have been singing in GMC, tht's awesome. But never had the chance to preach the gospel, other than singing what else can we established? Tonite-7.30pm we will start our briefing. Really hope and pray the turn out will be good. Am sort of afraid that I will be singing alone, but thank God- I have few confirmation from staff coming, EPCC-ians coming. Even though we didn't practise much, hope we can still give our best. Christmas is over, 3 days ahead- yet Christmas's Spirit and the joy surrounds us. This morning there're 3 judges came to our Pharmacy department to view our Christmas Deco- they are Mr Teoh, Mrs Chin, and Ms Lim(Dietritian). We surprised them when we turned off the lights, and singing "Joy to the world, the Lord has come, let earth received the King". The Pharmacy staff sing tht- awesome, the judges were really surprised and had a well lasting impression how we usher them into our department. It's fun and happy. We're singing the song- but does the people know the meaning, the true meaning of Christmas- the news, those who carry the news. So tonite, I prayed that it will not just be a song- a carols, but God's people bringing the joy, the smile and the message of Christ is Love to the people. I am excited, Pas Sam will also be coming, Loon and Susie will be preparing ballon for children, the rest will join along sing. Staff will be joining in, pray for God's presence to be with us- surrounds the entire hospital with His joy, peace and love.

Sister back yesterday. I had dinner with Andrew, had good discussion. Also had some time of chat with Pas Sam. I've shared my concerns about Cell, and he has been supportive of my views, now is that I really need God's direction, not my flesh, but His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Christmas- Season of Joy, Hope and Peace

21st December 2005,

5.30pm- in the office, today had 2 meetings continuously. Patient load has decrease- holidays mood- good for us. Our Pharmacy has take part in Christmas Decoration Competition and I have full confident that we will able to win 1st Prize. Great job! I'm proud of the staff, this is really team work and all the credit goes to the Pharmacy Staff, all of them. I'm amazed at our Christmas tree, how we use the recycle Rhinathiol Syrup bottles, clean it up, fill it silica gell, put in the flourecent gold thingy, and how we arrange it. It's truely awesome. I bet Casualty will not able to beat us. Praise God...

Christmas is just around the corners. Christmas Hunt coming, it's too fast, have yet to get present for the Gift exchange. Plan to take a day off on Fri to prepare for the things. Thanks to Lee Koh for helping so much to plan, and also the rest- that has contribute in one way or another for the Christmas. Eric will be busy with weddings, so I should understand his condition not able to involve that much...Year gonna end, tht's too fast. Oh Gosh...Can we just stop the watch, stop the clock from ticking? Nahh...we can't. Life goes on, we should set time for goal setting...planning, reviewing goals, resolution. This year 2005 I did not set resolution- Yr 2006, time to review and set something.

How could I live without You, How could I survive..

21st December 2005,

Extracted from "My Life Declaration":
I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

Last night ponder through. How can I say I wanna give up? Life is a breath from God..How could I live without Him? How could I survive, without His Love, without His touch, without His Presence. he's the reason that I live. Press on the race.

Christmas Hunt discussion last night. Even though the group is small, can see the effort all put in, with the little we have we gonna give the best- not for man, not for program, for God- for His Name, for His good news. Hope for the best for the Christmas Hunt, giving the best, know He will do the rest.

It's A Choice- Smile at the Rain

20th December 2005,

5.11pm, it's Tuesday evening. I'm about to go back, just update the blog before I switch off the PC. Yesterday was on-leave. Had good time of resting at home, wrapping gifts and lunch with Lee Koh and Jasmine. Too lazy to go shopping, have not really get much gifts this year. Sister will be back this 24th. Still can remember some incidence few days ago- conversation with sister that made me shed tears. Wondering why I can be so emotional to take the feedback to emotionally and negatively. We have been hoping for her to come back Penang to work- it's tiring to see her travelling to and fro Johor-Penang, waste of time, effort, money...if she could have been in Penang will solve whole lot of issue. Yet I know fully well God has His time and season. Can see Celina has been growing- even after the breakoff she has found strength in Him, and passion for Mission and evangelism. It's good seeing her grow in the Lord- to start serving in Young Adult Ministry, yes, indeed she has been strong, always strong. One word that made me sad- "Smile and the world will smile with you, and cry and you will only cry alone, so just choose to be happy and smile". Imagine my siste said that to me. Yes, indeed it's true in a way, probably the meaning is to encourage me to make a choice to be happy. To be happy is a choice? Who don't want to be happy? And...if I'm crying- really I'll be crying alone? That's sad, really sad. Where's all my brothers and sisters? When I'm at the mountain-top, all will be cheering and happy with me, but if I'm in the valley full of dryness- who will be there? Who can cry with me? I'm in a way sad to hear this, although there's some truth to the statement. Yes, even though there're people surrounds you, families, friends, and church...yet, when there're some issues in life, where you're standing at the borderline, or valley and wonderland-so called...it's still your choice and effort to make that move. Man can't help, friends can't help. When you're crying you'll only cry alone?? I ponder through..how many times I've cried, and who is there with me. Only the Daddy in heaven, my closest friends. Yet sometimes I can reject that closest friend that trying to offer helping hands. What a wretched man like me, who can help? A choice to make- a choice, an effort.

I wonder why, this year 2005 it speak so much of choices and efforts. I wish to pedal hard, I wish to run and fly with wings of eagles, "You wish, and You can Shirley- Do It, just run, just fly, just soar up- why stop? Why doubt? Can't you just trust me, can't you just trust the Daddy's heart? Why worry?"

Oh God, my Lord! I'm so tired of life. Life isn't fun, it's full of turmoils and I feel like giving up. I'm sorry Daddy- for such feeling. But it is real, it's real and I don't like it...but life still goes on, whatever happen I still need to live. Teach me to live with a smile in my heart. Teach me to say "Yes". Am journeyed on, whatever it takes..teach me to keep the eyes straight and focus in You, on the Cross of Love, fix my mind on you, to be centre-minded moving forward, not backward..in whatever I said..there will not be a "But", there only be a "Yes, praise God and Amen". Help me to follow You till the end. Gives me a Spirit-filled understanding of the situation I'm facing now...that I will see the joy of rainbow at the end of the rain. I surrender- help me to die in self, and live by the Spirit each day, I prayed. Amen!

Lessons on Life

15th December 2005,

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.
The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.
The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.
The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later

Mission Emphasis

14th December 2005,

5.56pm still in the office. Today had great heahache, it's a sign of the monthly mood-swing thingy. Need my Panadol, this time will require more dose of supplements. Yesterday reached home about 9.30pm, has been whole day, went back Alor Setar for Uncle's funeral- fetched aunts to AS, dunno road to their house in Butterworth, a lot testing of my patience, but thank God overall everything is well. Have good chat with Small-Aunt. Listened to all the sharing of the 'chanting' and procession. We are the only family that believe in Christ. Sister was saying we got to pray more for our relatives, to be saved, rather than each year seeing relatives passed away without knowing God- a miserable thing. A heart of compassion for the lost, mission emphasis this month for people to reach out. Many times it's the fear, or it's the timidity or it's just not of the sensing of urgency to pray and to share the gospel- Are we need to be gifted in certain ways to share? It first comes in basic relationship, befriend the people, then it step up to testimony and lifestyles. Leading a Christian life, a God-fearing life, may the Lord open the eyes of the heart of people. But we got to do our part, we have our part to play- but when it comes to sharing...evangelism, people will stop...it's not my gift. Myself having the resistancy as well, it's more to do with pride.

Many ways to share the love of God- not by telling people Jesus died and rose again, and ask them to believe Christ. It's more of lifestyle, it's the stand in the world, a selfish world. A stand up among the rest, in workplace- speech. Mission trip, with creative ideas to share to the children etc. I missed Mission Trip, it always been an eye opener and great experience. Every different mission trip has something special, special message for His people and for the congregation. Need to approach it with willing and teachable spirit. Very important- teachable attitude, humble Spirit to learn, to accept correction, to accept rebuke- to be open in the Spirit for God to move. Not our ways but Him.

This year we are not going to have Caroling. Can't get guitarist, too many things and events going, so this yr got to let it pass. GM called the other day, I'm so sad to reject him...we should have do it, but not right time, not this year....it's 615pm now, got to make a move back home. Home Sweet Home*** Mummy cooked porridge, yum yum...hope it won't be jam. Mission emphasis- just got mail from Lee Lian, updates of mission again- sometimes too much of it can make you feel scared. Pray the Lord will lead His people to get His message of the mission in His due season...

An eventful Sunday III

14th December 2005,

4.57pm Wednesday afternoon, now still in GMC. Has been a while didn't update the blog, got to find time doing time, or else I'll forget what's happening for pass days.

Yeah- eventful Sunday III. I didn't attend church for 2 weeks. The first week of the month I was attending John's wedding in Ipoh- visit Wesley Methodist Church, Ipoh. It was sort of eye opener and new experience for me coz it's my first time attending Methodist church. That Sunday is Holy Communion, and I have the change to see how the church conduct the Communion. It was good experience, overall I can see the church in different perspective, the strength in conducting things in orderly way, and how the communion was served- the congregation will line up in front of the altar and kneel down to receive the Bread and Wine, a form of reverance to God. It's good, to approach the occasion with reverence and respect, remembering what God has done for us. Unlike most of the churches, it's served to congregation. Yeah, a form of change of attitude and approach. The church is huge- according to Gavin it's shaped as cross. He brought us around to gymnasium which was converted into a Children Class room. Nice experience.

Last week I didn't attend church- attend friends' Chee Mui's session and be her bridesmaid. I think it's my first time attending Non-Christian wedding...maybe not first time, but this time being involved helping in the wedding brings some light to my experience. Being a bridesmaid is tough, got to help take care angpow and pull brides' wedding gown, got to fan the bride, and stand beside each time they 'cham cha'. Somemore she got a lot relatives- a lot teas to 'cham'. Then the relatives also need to know so many names- mother's uncle, mother's uncles' children..etc. Chinese custom, with needs to address a person differently, father side with one name, mother's side another name, unlike commonly we address all man above 40's as uncles :) A tiring day..yet something different.

So many weddings, weddings so busy, so many things to prepare. Next time if I were ever get married I will want to make my wedding as simple as possible, keep it simple and sweet.

Paradigm Shift - Newness - 2006

10th December 2005,

1.43pm- still in the office. It's Saturday and tonite is Huey Meng's wedding. Will be helping in Reception. This morning wake up 5.40am, for morning prayer (leaders). This morning message is good- to prepare for the new season. Ps mentioned one thing- the new sanctuary getting ready soon. God is about to do new thing, whether we want or not. Got to get ready, or else some that could keep up to that will get retired. Probably I'm sensitive, or is it God that speaking in my Spirit. Ps preached before about the sermon "How to Run", whther we run with purpose, carrying the news. Or else even tho' we run, David said, "Move aside, You don't have news for the King". Am I faithful with the little God entrusted in what he called me to do? Am I faithful in that? How should be the change for 2006? A new season- return to the basic- Loving God, loving People.

When Ps shared about the mission for church, am quite fearful. More things, more commitments, a lot required from the people. It's time for commitment and there should have some sacrifices made. And what can I offer? To expand our heart, to enlarge our heart- willing to allow Him to expand us. That's huge challenges ahead. But a success begin with small step, a step to commit. How should I commit? How should I do with my time, where is the area God challenging me?

About old wineskin and new wineskin, what will happen if the new wine poured into old wineskin? What will it happen if the church remain just old wineskin and venturing into new church, new season? Can we take it? How should we take it into that level? Consecrating our lives, ever be ready to be pour out like a offering for Him... that is what he wants our heart to response. Am I responding? Am struggling- to commit, to give, to be tender to allow him to use me. 2006- what's the challenges ahead?....

Cry Holy

8th December 2005,

Thurs evening@ 4.45pm. Still in office. Today sort of busy, Storekeeper not around, but it's well- still can handle. Pharmacy quite hectic in December, staff complaining full bed- gonna burn down. Today one of my Pharmacist cried, don't know what happen- hope she's okie. Others said she's stressed with work, but Boey said it's personal matter. If it's work related I should have do something so that she'll be happy in work, or else she resign I'll be really sad. Tomorrow got to talk to her.

Hmm..has been a while didn't write Blog. Many things happened. Went to Ipoh last week for John's wedding. Have not been attending church service for 2 weeks, then this coming week will be having another wedding, won't able to attend church. What to do, don't know how to reject people. Huey Meng asked me to be her bridesmaid and I said yes, because she can't get others, I got to bhelp out lar...and need to do it willingly and happily. But thinking of the pass months, Nov and Dec has been fruitful month for weddings. So many weddings. Come to think about it, a little bit phobia with weddings already. Some more Jan will be Wedding Co-ordinator for Eric and Sharon's wedding. Geeee...It's too emotional, and touchy....only single people like me can understand this. After Jan, I do hope there won't be anyone to ask me plan and help on Weddings.

This morning went for Morning Prayer- 6am. A sudden move of the heart to go to church. Yeah, probably that is the knocking of Holy Spirit. Told Andrew about it, he said maybe I miss Him..."Miss" Him...yeah..some refilling of the void, that only He can fill. I like this song, it the reminder of the Everlasting care of the Father..tht will always draw His child back even tho' we fall away...that He is there, He is there, He understand, and He is there in whatever we go through.....

In my loneliness You are there
To reveal Your righteousness, in my despair
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You

So I cry Holy, Worthy, Glory, Majesty
You reign on high
Far above all the earth
You are my God, my Lord and King

When I'm far away You are there
To draw me back again, into Your care
Jesus I long for You
There is no one else, no one like You

An eventful Sunday II

28th November 2005,

4.44pm Monday evening. It's time to go back. Praise God, I've finished my report for new system. Pray that tomorrow system discussion will be fruitful.

Evenful Sunday II..it's yesterday happening. It's like that. Sunday I have Pharmacy Meeting around 1.30pm. I didn't attend church that day because I attend saturday service. And, Mum fetch me to church on saturday- she drove my Kenari. So, means she keep my car key....alright, Sunday I sleep till 8.30am, wanna sleep longer but normal biological clock wake me up...so wake up, do devotion- read Bible, worshipping...pray for the coming Meeting, asked God for wisdom, patience and love...renewed love for Him and people. Sat service was good- the sermon is hard, and forceful and it leave a challenge for us to work out our lives- a message to carry on. Are we carrying that message of Christ? Yeah, so good about Saturday, Sunday something happen- I almost want to cry and lost my patience.

I plan to go hospital early- plan to take my lunch first then go hospital to prepare White Board and set up meeting. Everything set, everything ready- try to search for my Kenari key- Oh No! Where is it? Mum must have took it away and put in her bag. Trying to search the old bag- can't find...Oh No! How can that be? Tried called mum's HP: Switch Off...Oh NO! How can this happen in such a wonderful Sunday? Re-Search the bag again- no key...pause, where did I put my spare key? Any spare keys? Doing thorough search in the house, every single drawer search..search...search. It's like treasure hunt, worse than treasure hunt. Oh No...how can this happen to me God? I just praise You, worship You..wanna start a fresh new day, Oh Gosh...this happen, how am I going to Hospital? I don't like interupted plan...not today, not now...Oh ya, Amazing Grace church is just nearby, I can run there, maybe can catch mum...it's 11.45am. Oh Gosh, I hope I have the time-then, all the way- I run, I run and I run to Amazing Grace- to rescue my Kenari Key. Reach there gasping for air- look left and right, front and back...Oh No! Where's mummy's car? Where's her old Datsun? Oh No! How come she so fast go off? Tried called her HP again- Not on. Geee...that's bad. I scratched my head and stamped my feet. Looking helpless, walk without direction...till I reach Mobil Petrol Station.. hungry, haven't take breakfast. Bought an Choc Ice-Cream to fill my tummy and soothed my 'mood'. Oh God, how can I be so short tempered? I should give praise in such time rather than complaining....Called up Yamunes, she can't fetch me. Called up Phei- my angel, she agreed to fetch me. Praise God.

Reached hospital on time 1.30pm. Praise God, but quite kelam kabut with preparation- but overall, thank God- things run smoothly. Toh fetched me back home. I reach home, mummy cool, didn't even know I'm angry...or rather frustrated. After knowing the situation, she said the key in old bag...how can I not found it? Gee....dunno how to response.

Anyway..it's just some eventful Sunday- a lesson to learn:
1. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry. (Praise Him despite circumtances- don't let situation change yr mood)
2. Identify the spare-key
3. Don't be kelam kabut- coz kelam kabut things that is in front of you- you won't see it, you'll be blinded by your own frustration
4. Friends are angels- they offer help in times of need, that's real fren. At least I hv frens to call on to
5. In such situation, God is still with me. Meeting runs well- it's fruitful, we came up with a lot ideas after brainstorming for our new systems.
6. Forgive and Forget- mum just forgetful, don't blame her. Forgive and forget

Lord, You are More than Enough for me...

25th November 2005,

Fri evening- 5.30pm to be exact. Am still in the office, not of really busy, but waiting for the next appointment dinner. Tonite we won't be having Cell Group- instead we'll be meeting with our Iranian friends for dinner at Fishermen's Grill. It's time for catching up and felowship. Not pretty sure what's the plan after dinner, all has been pretty busy with work and other preparation- didn't really follow up on the Iranians. Hope Saeid still remmeber me. It's kinda weird after so long didn't meet up, suddenly we come out with plan for dinner to fill Iranian fellowship. May this time be a fruitful one- that it's just just filling up an assignment, but really extending friendship beyond the circle.

This week has been very relaxing. I spend a whole lot of my time in the room- mostly yahoo-chating, mailing, house-keeping yahoo-mails. Realise that I have too much un-read mail-mostly forwarded mail, some are articles, which i don't have the time to reach..so I save it in my "Inspiration" folder. After house-keeping still a lot mails. Realise that I'm so lazy nowadays...bad bad, got to change and discipline. Basically November is alright, but December will be hectic due to stock take and financial closure. Anticipating a lot clean-up on reporting and documentations.

Tomorrow will be attending Pon's wedding. Wow, this two months so many weddings- Ipoh (Kenneth), then Pon's tomorrow, then John's (Ipoh), and continuously the following weeks Huey Meng's. This year seem to be good year for marriage. Eric's one coming Jan; myself and Alicia gonna help up co-ordinating. Weddings- sharing the joyous occasion seeing how the Lord brought two souls together. Wondering how my wedding gonna be...hmm....learning to be satisfied in single life, to able to be happy as "Single in Married world or Single in Couples world". Never easy with the pressure around, but got to move on life.....I need to be satisfied and content in singlehood...as how Philipian addressed- Phil4:12- I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want..(to add whther in singlehood or married life:)) Treasure what I have today, and live each day as new breath from God with purpose.

Oh Lord, guide me through this journey.

Thank you for each new day,

each breath of the new day that is given to me.

Each freshness of morning dew and stillness of Your enduring Presence,

Let my heart able to speak of your fullness

that You are more than enough for me

May this life I live be a purposeful-being for Your Glory.

Amen...

November....December,.. time flies.

22nd November 2005,

Tuesday- 4.50pm. Time to pack up and go back home. Today has been pretty busy, yesterday on-leave. Nothing much to share in the blog. Life thus far has been good, Praise God. Time flies...it's November, another month December..then Christmas then New Year, I can't believe it! Too fast already, so many things happened, I've been working for 3 years plus. Year pass another year...am I growing in Grace? Growing in maturity in Christ? It's time for Life-Check, or spiritual-Check. Has life been comfortable, am I in anyway being complacent? What's the further committment to make? How should we seize the day in this end time, as the day approaching...something to ponder through.

Ps 90:9-12
9 All our days pass away under your wrath; we finish our years with a moan.
10 The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span [a] is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
11 Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Let it be the prayer of our hearts to honour Him with the time-span He has given to us...

I would not Quit!

This is nice article, be blessed...

"I Would not Quit" He Said

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said.
"Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,
I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.

He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
"I would not quit."
He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.

" He said to me.
"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,
you have actually been growing roots"
"I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.
"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me.
"You will rise high!"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?"
He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes."
He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can.
"I left the forest and bring back this story.

My Dialogue with God

Find this good....read on;

I went to God with all my sorrow, bitterness and frustration."God, oh God, please tell me what do you really want me to do or what you want me to be??" I asked.God led me to a river."Look into the river, my child.""What can you see?""Reflection." I said.God did not say anything but looked into my eyes and smiled. At that moment a thought dawned on me, and I said,"You want me to be a river which reflects your image and goodness."God nodded his head and smiled."But you haven't answer my question yet, God." "Look into the river again, my child." God said.I looked into the river again. And this time I did not see God's reflection but only my reflection in it."What do you see?" God asked.I see myself but not God in the reflection. Another thought dawned on me. For how many times, when I look into the mirror or the river, that I only see myself but not God?It's ! not that God did not show himself, but I chose to see only myself, rather than him. What I wanna see, it's only ME, ME, ME."If you only can see yourself, how will you remember me or my teaching?" God asked with a soft voice, still smiling.I was ashamed, yet I was stubborn, and I'm always stubborn."Yes, Father, I know I always put myself before you for everything, but today I came to you to ask A question, and I just want THE answer."

"Tell me what does the water do, my child." God said, still not answering my question directly."The water?? ...hmmm, the water is always soft and obedient...and no matter what kind of container you pour the water in, the water will matches the shape of the container it is in perfectly.""And how about you?" God turned to me and asked aga! in, with a light twinkling in His eyes.I'm stubborn, I'm not as soft as the water. I just wanna be myself, even though I always promise God I will let Him shape me, but I argue and struggle with Him. I just wanna be whom I wanna be. I want myself to look like what myself want to see.God poured me into a jar, I don't wanna be shaped as the jar, I struggled so hard till I broke the jar.The more I pondered about it, the more I was ashamed of myself. I did not dare to look up nor to answer God.But God heard me and knew me.

He was still smiling, like nothing could possibly upset Him. Like what I have done still not enough to let Him down."Listen to the voice of the river, my child." He said.I closed my eyes and listened attentively.I heard th! e voice of the river running, and all of a sudden I could also hear the singing of the insects and the noise produced by the leaves rubbing against each other when the wind came by.I opened my eyes and found myself standing alone in a deep, thick forest. God is gone."My God, my God, WHERE ARE YOU????!!" I screamed out of horror and fear. Yet I dared not to move even a step."Listen to the voice of the river, my child." God said, still not showing himself.I was such a nervous wreck, yet there was nothing I could do except followed God's instruction.I drew a few deep breath, calmed myself down, closed my eyes again and listened.I could hear the flowing of river again, and this time, a thought flew through my mind and I grabbed ! it before it was gone again.(If I walked along the river, the river will bring me back to the civilization or bring me out of this forest.) So said the thought.I opened my eyes with joy and walked toward the river. But the forest was gone in a second and I was back to the riverside with God standing beside me.God smiled to me again and said,"If you were lost in a deep thick forest, If you would just stop and be still and listen, You would hear the voice of the river -- that's ME.If you would just walked along the river, If you would just followed the river,You would find the way out from the forest -- If you would ju! st follow me and walk along me, You would find THE WAY."I was dumbfounded by God's wisdom and teaching, all I could do was looked at Him in awe.God rubbed my head and said," Did I answer your question yet? If not, come back and see me tomorrow."

Annual Dinner tonite- 15th November 2005

15th November 2005,

Tuesday Morning- tonite will be Annual Dinner, and it's a weekday. A lot has been asking why is that weekdays, usually Annual Dinner should be weekends, yeah, company want to cut cost:) I guess. It'll be real hectic with this sort of programs lining up in the weekdays.

Mundane work for the whole week, need some breakthrough. Still finds difficult in relating to my staff. It's the pressure innerly or pressure outside? I need to overcome this by the change of the thinking, a first step, a smile of warmth, and acceptance of each individuals...not just the strength alone, but also the weakness of different people. The pride need to be pulled down, insecurity? Working the best- and be assured that the Boss Above will reward me accordingly, not according to worldly measures and riches, but according to heavenly riches above. A Change of thinking- Positive thinking and attitude, it's so much needed. I got to not just learn, but have some change and paradigm shift of the thinking.

O Lord, help me. I want to, it's difficult- I know, but I trust You, Your Words and Promises, teach me the basic, and where to begin. .. to love, to motivate, to stir ones up- to be good testimony in workplace that bear Your Name, that You alone be glorified...Amen!

Passion for the Lost

12th November 2005,

Saturday morning- write something before start work. Today Mag and Charmine not around, they attending Pharmacy Scientific Conference in KL, Saturday will have a lot of patients, and prayfully that things will go well. Asked God for heart of wisdom and to be involved in my encounter with work.

Last night All Night Prayer. We watched Mother Theresa's movie. A unselfish life that has been given to God for people. A compassion heart, moved with the needs and people. It remind me on the phrase "You can give without Love, but You can't Love without Giving". She give her whole life- she's into the street, doing whatever she can to save 'one'. No need many- one, as it goes...she start out having the determination to reach out. Step out in faith. We prayed, we pray for heart of compassion. The Spirit of God moved among His people- showing us the basic of all, the basic simple Love- compassion heart. We repented, ...our eyes has been blinded and swayed by the selfish desire of building our own mansion. We have lost the zeal for evangelism- we have failed in many ways. Yeah, the time is near...How should be our response? Is it just a information to stir up the emotion to repent, to cry out and after a while going back to normal, or it's a change of heart, a transformation? How are we responding; to respond-- to act it out. A challenge. But a challenge should not remain jst challenge but some action and change.

Challenged Scripture Heb 12:1-2

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith,

let us strip off every weight that slows us down,

especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress.

And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.

2We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus,

on whom our faith depends from start to finish

(New Living Translation)

My Life Declaration

7th November 2005,

Monday morning- Life GAMES is over, and now it's no longer a game, it's Life, and it's gonna move...The Race is ON, the Clock is Ticking. How do we want to choose the Road of Life? How should the runner run? How will be the Reward of life? How do we want to live? The survival Life? The successful life? Or the significant Life? The choice is yours. You choose your way of life. A reflection of life, The past has gone, the new has come...Life Games, a start of new life, new purpose, new focus in life. Oh Lord, here's my declaration. I am willing, I surrender my life to You once again...

***************************
MY LIFE DECLARATION
***************************

Today I am stepping across the line. I'm tired of waffling, and I'm finished with wavering. I've made my choice and my decision is irrevocable. I'm going God's way. There's no turning back now!

I will live the rest of my life serving God's purpose with God's people on God's planet for God's glory. I will use my life to celebrate His presece, cultivate His character, participate in His family, demonstrate His love, and communicate His Word.

Since my past has been forgiven and I have a purpose for living and a home awaiting in heaven, I refuse to waste any more time or energy on shallow living, petty thinking, trivial talking, thoughtless doing, useless regretting, hurtful resenting, or faithless worrying. Instead, I will magnify God, grow to maturity, serve in ministry, and fulfill my mission in the membership of His family.

Because this life is preparation for the next, I will value worship over wealth, "we" over "me", character over comfort, service over status, and people over possessions, position and pleasures. I know what matters most, and I'll give it all I've got. I'll do the best I can with what I have for Jesus Christ today.

I won't be captivated by culture, manipulated by critics, motivated by praise, frustrated by problems, debilitated by temptation, or intimidated by the devil. I'll keep running the race with my eyes on the goal, not the sidelines or those running by me. When times get tough, and I get tired, I won't back up, back off, back down, back out, or backslide. I'll just keep moving forward by God's grace. I', Spirit-led, purpose-driven and mission-focused, so I cannot be bought, I will not be compromised, and I shall not quit until I finish the race.

I'm a trophy of God's amazing grace, so I will be gracious to everyone, grateful for everyday, and generous with everything that God entrusts to me.

To my Lord and Savious Jesus Christ, I say: However, whenever, wherever and whatever You ask me to do, my answer in advance is Yes! Wherever You lead and whatever the cost, I'm ready. Anytime, anywhere, anyway. Whatever it takes Lord; whatever it takes! I want to be used by You in such a way, that on that final day I'll hear You say: "welldone, good and faithful servant! Come and share your master happiness!"

In the Presence of God: signed by Shirley Moy
This day: 7th November 2005
Scripture verse: Heb 12: 1-2

Holidays Mood... Blessed day

31th October 2005,

It's Monday afternoon. Tomorrow will be holidays- Deepavalli, then another 2 days Raya. But I still work- Mon and wednesday working, wheras others has been enjoying their holidays back hometown. Today slow, maybe coz today still holidays mood, so I don't really work well. Had lunch with Dr. Lee and Jia-Shean just now. It's good to catch up, and always good to be around those people highly motivated and systematic. Dr. Lee has always been my role model in work, even so with Jia-Shean. They potrayed a good steward and leadership in managing people and skills in management and organisation. Am just sharing with them about the difficulty in getting support from Management and consultants on the new services. Yeah, realise that it's all require a lot of effort to convince the management and sharing with them on the profit and advantages. Convicing them...to convince. That's something I need to learn, to let them know the importance, to share with them my passion and to let others see the purpose. That's a part of Management and leadership. Need to motivate self to go on, again to be positive, whatever happen..knowing that I'm still serving the God of the heaven and earth, and not of serving man alone. To please people, or to please God. Learning, but sometimes need to be wise. To be wise as serpent and innocent as dove. When is it I need to be wise, when is it I need to be innocent. A tough lesson to learn. I believe all those working will go through that. Just need to find passion in work, because that will be the only thing that draw us going, push us forward...go on, extra steps, going forward, even in the midst of falling, fall forward ad not backward.

Went to Ipoh on Fri- Kenneth's wedding. It's wonderful, can see so many joy surrounds the couples- joys that is reap after all the trials and challenges. Yeah, relationship, another chapter to go through in life. In every chapter and season of life- it's something God wants us to learn and to go on, a journey with God. During the wedding ceremony, they sing songs- Power of Your love and Come to the Father. It just stuck me each time tis 2 songs played in church. I remember vividly when both of us (Celina and me) sing this song in our daday's funeral. And now it's sang in wedding...it just reflect of the love of the Father- just being who you are, don't need to do much, just being who you are, and He still loves you. In times if joy, in times of laughter, God is enjoying all the moment with us. Praise God I didn't cry in the wedding. Each time the 2nd song sang...tears will be rolling down my cheeck, and heart will be aching- missing dad and feel so sad...yet this time of wedding, it's different feeling. I guess it's more of the positive note, and assurance of the journey with God. The journey to Ipoh has been a blessing, I manage to know Adeline and Andrew better with the sharings in the car, and sense the love and hospitality in Andrew's house. Then able to meet up Ms Chua and get to go around the Pharmacy and Famitah Hospital. People that is matter. Meet up with the ex-CA rian, seeing so many of them with family, childrens and married couples, tho' it's a bit different, with them- family and myself still single, yet can see that family and joyous face, remind me of CA-time. Meet up with Gavin, spend almost 2 hours in the Jusco Coffee-Bean, talking in the noisy environment...gee, it's very much refreshing, meeting up with friends that experience the love of God- encourage me to go on the journey wth God. After wedding, drive bck Penang with Ching-Shian. Enjoy the journey and chats with her through-out the journey. Well-spent time this holidays. Looking forward for the coming "Lifa-Games" camp organised by PCC. Yeah...hmmm..Holidays mood, waiting to go back. Bless this day, my Lord!

Quality Day 2005- Pharmacy 1st prize.

19th October 2005,

Wednesday- 5.30pm, waiting to go back- Still some small thing to settle, and waiting for a call. Wow, yesterday was superb. We won 1st Prize for QA. Last 2 yrs when I presented we only get 3rd Prize, now 1st..thanks to my 2 wonderful pharmacist. They're awesome! Praise God for them...good attitude, good personality, well discipline, and that make lesser stress for me:) Work is good, life is still. Overall- thanks God His hands in the workplace, learning each day to trust in Him, and let Him move through me...staff is behaving alright, noise level still high, but can't control much, they're not whole bunch of child that need tight supervision.

Yeah..another day...Praise the Lord for the day!

Human-human Relationship

15th October 2005,

Saturday afternoon- it's 2.30pm, should be going back by now but still working. Browsing thru' Pharmacy site for some general reading. Quite quiet. 2 staff working, lesser patinets, and hospital renovation is in-progress...can hear the knocking of walls.

Thanksgiving. As the subject on relationship. Relationship quarter has not been materialized last quarter. I don't meet up much of the members and frens as this time. Learning to treasure relationship. Knowing the importance of people in life. Without friends, life will not be tht interesting- iron sharpen iron- as learned in the Bible Study.

Today- thanksgiving items is for friends around me. Thank God for the circle of frens that I know of- from USM-CF to EPCC-ian, to GH-frens. Without them, I will not able to learn and go through such season of life. Has not been contacting Bee Leng for long. Tonite will be meeting up time. hope to have a good fellowship. Learn to be more openned in friendship, yet also not to try to imitate others, being yourself- yet gently accept the corrective words from friends. See thru' positive line...trying to be better. Learning to change not by own flesh...die to flesh, transformation of mind, renewing of mind. In the weakness, He replaced with strength. Stregth from above.... Thanks God for not letting me go astray beyond help. Some effort need to be made for change. Yes, indeed....

Positive- Thanksgiving each day...

14th October 2005,

Friday. We don't have Cell today. Tonite is Pastor Conference. Am in the hospital, waiting for time to pass, 7.30pm will meet the rest at Newlane for dinner, then will proceed for coffee time at Sega Fredo. Am not an outing and supper person. Today actually very tired, whole day already- tomorrow need to work, but well...since has been the one arranging, can't pull out last minute.

Today's blog about positivity. Last night had a chat with Celina, she mentioned on seeing things in positive way, stop complaining. I guess I have been this, keep on grumbling, never give thanks, always negative, that provide room for the devils to play a fool in the mind. Wher's the role of the Spirit? To be filled with Spirit?

I want to give thanks. So starting today, I want to use the blog to give thanks, one things each day to give thanks and praise to God on my life. Thanks God for my 2 pharmacists. Thanks God for providing this 2 helpers. Pray for God to bless them and work in the Department..., for them to learned and be blessed in this wrking environment.

Imagination and Negative Lies...

13th October 2005,

Thursday. October, so fast, almost year end. It's time to evaluate the year progress. Yr 2005 has been a year of testing. A year that my faith was challenged in many areas. The year where I'm facing a lot of discouragement and wondering of what life is all about. A year of exposition of the worldy challenge and pursued- a year of compromise, a year where I'm the furthest from God, a year of distance, and sighing of what's happening. A year full of emotional toils and sinful flesh-ruling. A year of offensive-ness, a rough year...lost focus.

God is the Seeker, He seek me out of the soils, out of the darkness, out of all the discouragements, He seeks, His Spirit calling me back. It's all depends, of the heart-issue. Things that has been identified to be up-rooted, challenge to make things right.

The Word of God continued to knock at the door of my heart. I know this is right, yet..it's so hard to take hold of it. Do not put down the shield of faith and let Satan take over. Stand up, position yourself in the position He placed you, to be the sons and daughter of God, the heirs of the Mighty One. Stand up, do not wander, do not let your mind linger around. There's not 'Grace' for imagination. Guard your heart and your thought with care. Whatever beautiful, whatever noble, whatever praiseworthy..think about such things. Trust Him, hold on dear to Him, step into the relationship with Him, Relationship of closeness where you can just called Him Abba-Father. Come on!

Going Home...after such long time

1st Oct 2005,

Saturday Morning. Reached hospital early. This time we need to punch in our attendance, can afford to be late, even for the HOD. We're using FingerPrint tagging, just starting today, heard a lot complaints from the staff on the eficiency and the position of the tagging. Pretty normal- any new implementation will normally receive bad response.

Today going back AS....after such long time. Mum has been alone in AS for a week. I guess I tend to work late when mum not around, and after work directly have dinner outside with frens. Comparing of staying home with mum, I think mum's absence contribute to my buzyness of life. Or else, if she's around, everything will be prepared on the table- dinner. No need to think of what to eat etc.

Last nite had buffet dinner with Cell members at Equatorial Coffee Garden. Relationship Quarter, to review what we learned? Honostly speaking, I didn't really learn anything. This doesn't mean Relationship Quarter not successful, probably my life schedule has not enable me to benefitted from it. My travelling schedule and also my confinement to home not enabling me to expose, and explore the relationship. Geee...how far I've lag-away. Next quarter will be on Mission. Eric brief us on the coming quarter, what we anticipate. Cheah Keat said it's too much activities, too activities-orientated. True in a sense, church filled up with many activities and program, but without activities and program to expand out from the inner circle of church will defit the purpose of church existance. Need balancing, God's church, His people, He will lead. No worries...

Whom I have in Heaven but You...

20th September 2005,

Tues morning- 10.15am to be exact. Has been a while did not write the blog. Need to get it moving, or else it'll disappeared and the habits of writing blog will just die down. Nothing much. Last 2 weeks has been a wonderful day, especially with Pas Sam's Sermon- Title: Sonship in Christ vs. Orphan's Spirit. It's powerful, a reminder of the condition that seems quite familiar- a change of attitude and the assurance of the love of God, the power and authority as the Son of the Most High God. How often we forgotten that, how often we act in an "Orphan-Spirit" as if we're so lacking, as if our heavenly Daddy not able to provide, as if we're been slave down by all the trials and concern of the world. How often we act as the brother of Prodigal Son, full of envy, insufficiency, inadequatecy, not knowing that all "these", all of the Father's possesion belongs to us.

Wed Nite we had a Late Nite Prayer. I went there late, coz helping Foong Ping (Relau Pharmacy) take care her shop. Wed Nite I cried...Joanna lead the Prayer, the Worship and the Prayer of repentance, of tuning our heart back to Him. I wonder why I can cried so easily during worship. Checking deep in my heart, am I loving You God...am I go higher, or lost somewhere? But with the assurance again- whichever state I am, God still won't want to let me go, He is persuing me higher, he take the initiative when i lost all the initiative. repentance is an ACT, not just a word of Sorry, it's an action and turning, moving out. Am I doing it?

Breakthrough Nite. I did not involved in Fasting. The week has been really tight, and I didn't fast. Yet, Praise God- Breakthrough Nite ministered well to the heart and soul of His people. Pas Solomon talks about religious spirit, about Fear, about God's wisdom, about fully trust Him with all we have. Simple message yet full of power. Many people slain in the Spirit, casting demon-possessed, boken in the Spirit.

Work has been okie. With 2 pharmacists in placed, things run pretty well. Just that staff noise still the same level, noisy and always excited. Medication Errors has improved. Keep it up! This week will be going KL for Malaysian Oncology Society Scientific Conference. Hope I can learn something new on Cancer Drugs. Another 2 more days will be the Daddy's Annivesary in Heaven. So fast, 2 years already- nothing much change, got new house, Mum stayed in, brother work so so hard, sis so far away from home. Daddy- how are you up there?? Miss Him, thinking about it make my heart so 'miss'.... He's in good hands, enjoying the splendor of Heavenly Blessings, Take heart Shirley, Take heart!

MSQH- We got it! Hurrayyy!!

10th September 2005,

Saturday, 12.44pm. Another few minutes to go back. MSQH is over...and we got high chance for 3 years accreditation. Praise God, it's like whole lots of burden lifted up from my shoulder, yet...a lot concerns need to be carry out, especially in maintaning the standard and achievement. Really tired, plan to take a day off on Monday, but got a meeting, so couldn't able to.

Mind has been blanko a while. It's all about work, new services to offer, training to be continued on- progressing. Cost to be reviewed, there are more to come. Visitation to be made. Cytotoxic Recons P&P need to be finalized before Dr. Leong come back from leave. What else can Pharmacy offer? Yeah..just need to leave it to God, take one thing at a time, be cool and steady.

Church, friends....Hmm, for this pass 2 weeks, has not been actively involved in church and fellowship with believers, only CG last night. Yeah, last nite CG has been good, good sharing on conflict and need for paradigm shift on the attitude and how to response to conflict. Conflict not only in church, but also in working place. How is the attitude to be? What the Word of God said regarding this issue? Good chat with Winnie. Can see her willingness to be mould in God's Word..and her developing trust and dependant on God. Andrew and Winnie has been faithfully attending CG and church, very encouraging. Life is quite static here. Had snack with Emmeline yesterday. Good chat- a reminder to move out of comfort zone, to do something, to make life interesting and more purposeful. To find purpose in life, in God....

MSQH Day-2

7 August 2005,

Wednesday morning. Yesterday 1st day of Accreditation. We got the Chief Surveyor- CEO of Fatimah Hospital and CEO of Sg Petani Hospital coming to our Department to interview us. They're pretty strict this time, dig really deep into our P&P and our meeting minutes...most of the documents. But at least, praise God, I prepared and our QA and documentation are up to date. Geee..thot yesterday will be over, but not yet...today more to come. Later 1pm I'll be having interview with the 2 surveyors, with Dr. Ramasamy. I'm shivering. Don't know what to expect and don't really know what to prepare.

Life has been real busy and stressful, not of the load work, but it's more of the planning and the overload of stff running in my mind: wht's the outcome like? How's the staff doing? Can they answer the quiries? Can we pass? What will happen after MSQH? Am I doing right thing with Bulletin telling the consultants we're going into CDR? Oh..thinking about it make me fearful- more of expectation, from management, and staff. Will I overload the staff?

Lord, need Your wisdom. Wisdom from above. The peace of God that surpasses all understanding of man, to gurad my heart, my MIND in Christ. In Christ alone, Thank you!

MSQH drawing Near...4 more days to go!

1st September 2005,

Thurs. After Merdeka holidays, quite slack! Wow, so fast, don't realise that another 4 more days for MSQH. Am I prepared? Not pretty sure. A lot things, need to familiar to know how to answer the surveyors; 7 of them, 4 doctors, 1 matron, 1 patologist, 1 CEO of one of the hospital. Don't know who will be interviewing Pharmacy department. Prayfully will be a better one- pray for favour, pray for grace.

After MSQH- another huge project- CDR, am not so familiar- blur*_* Need wisdom, need grace. despite the busyness schedule and plans and dateline to meet, I need to learn not to forget things so dear in my life:- family, friends, and people that has life. That they are much more important than those datelines and those static things. People is life, and they are precious- I need to learn to appreciate them, to spend time, to smile more.

I guess I havenot been mingle around with my staff. Even my Pharmacists- we did not really talk much personally- maybe I should do something about it. Well, pressure up the shoulder. Need to laid it down, not bearing my own, knowing that I am not serving man, but God. Not my name, not my reputation, but His Name, His Name be glorified. Just do your best- God do the rest, Relax...cool down, let go and let God. Might by might, not by power but by His Spirit. His Spirit empowered. You decreased, He increased!

Conversation with God

1st Sept 2005,

Discover this quite some time ago. It's good- better save it in my blog for future reference:)

I Asked God to ...............

I asked God to take away my bad habits.

God said, It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.

God said, His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary

I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.

God said, I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.

God said, Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.

God said, You must grow on your own! , But I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.

God said...Ahhhh, finally you thinking right.

Trust in God.

An eventful Sunday

28th August 2005,

Today is 1st September but I am blogging in what happen last Sunday. Yeah, eventful Sunday. Had Dim-Sum with Angie and Ai Ling, then proceed to City Bayview Hotel for Protopic launching. Stay there chit chatting with Kenneth and Coring after lunch, then thinking of going Gurney for shopping. On my way there, sms-ed Angie asked her whether want to come but she not coming. The way to Gurney a lot of cars- so I scraped my plan for shopping, and move on to Western Road- planning to go cemetery. On my way, Mum called, I pick up the phone, and talking on the phone while driving. As usual...did not use hand-free;) then on my way turn to cemetery, I saw the police behind me also trying to turn in the cemetery...Oh Man! I switched my h.p. and throw it away....

Then the police stop my at the juncture to Cemetery. We 'chat' for almost half an hour. I asked him to give me another chance, not to summon me, he keep arguing that working in hospital a lot money. Private-work a lot money, in a way hinting to me to bribe. He said, "Jadi- macam mana?" Geee....I said "Tak Tau la, saya minta tolong maaf satu kali, kalau encik tak mau tolong- tak apalah, saya bayar" Then I think I do mention 'agama'- "agama Kristen tidak boleh tolong encik"..something like that. Oh Man! What am I saying...he will surely summon me, he even scared me that it will cost about RM150, or if more RM 300...hmm..what to do?? I am so tempted to just give RM50 and chao...but I can't do it. Remember pas message- pastor mentioned he's a Christian and can't bribe, then the police let him go...so maybe I can do the same, but if he summon me, then he summon-lah...

Praise God, the police finally said- "pergi", pass back all my IC and Driving licence. I can't stop thanking him. He must be thinking what kinda of this little girl like me, jumping excitedly thanking him:) Haha...then I drive to see daddy...after such long time. Didn't even bring anything- no flowers. Bring my heart and soul and mind there. Miss daddy. Then after a while, drive out from cemetery- the police still there..hmm...what happen ah? I give him a sign of 'bye bye' and go off....hope he won't submit my particular and summon me. i think won't lar..

This precious lesson taught me not to talk on-the-phone and drive. And also to not compromise in the standrad of the world. Thank God for all.

Tuesday Sick....

30th August 2005,

Tuesday Morning. Yesterday vomitting after dinner, sleep very early- 9.30pm knock out already. Thought of taking MC today but so many work to complete, couldn't able to not be around. As usual, Pharmacy noisy...am feeling dizzy. Generating Purchase Order now, probably later want to see doctor and take half day MC, not sure how it goes.

Actually wanna write the blog yesterday about th eventful Sunday experience, yet am so filled with work, real busy, no time to check mail. Now also can't, just scrabble a few line before log off. Hope I can still recall the experiences on Sunday. Overall that happened, the Lord is good and faithful. Tomorrow is Merdeka, can't wait to have holidays and to rest. Alright Blog...will log in later, Chao!

Saturday, Great!

27th August 2005,

Saturday morning. I reached hospital early. This few week has been early in the hospital. Want to catch those come late. Keep on stressing on the punctuality yet still people don't care. Must do something about this. Yeah...wow, this 2 days very hapenning, tired yet exciting, at least I was out from home, get exposed to the different environment, meeting friends and getting myself busy.

Saturday as usual will be busy day. The staff is chatting outside about Malaysian Idols, I can hear that:) Early morning not much work- they will be talking, yeah...nevermind la, should be okie. Charmine helping outside In-Patient. Mag in the room, not sure what she's doing- probably getting the Bulletin done before MSQH.

Later mum and brother will be going to fetch sis from airport, then probably catch me for lunch then go mainland. Yeah...last nite went to E&O then drop by Segagate to see the CG Outing- Eu Geen and Angie joining. Had good time. Raining, tired but good day. Lily smsed, asked to fetch them to church today- car got accident. Not sure what happen- another accident? Lord, protect your people thru' all the travelling. Grant me this day- day of rejoicing and joy in Your presence. Guide me to love, care and be sensitive to others need, wisdom in workplace, give the best to You, Amen!

Friday Cool

26th August 2005,

Fri. 5.18pm. After office hour, take the time to write something in the blog. Fri, geee...real real fast, another week. Today nothing much. Boss wasn't around, he's in Brunei. Morning I sneak out (not really lar..got ask permission from Boss even though he's not around) from hospital to MPPP to check on the payment on my Cukai Pintu. Oh Man...I need to pay RM800 ++ for the tunggakan and the 1/2 yearly Cukai Pintu. This month bill on the rise, mum cataract bill haven't got the reimbursement, hopefully will at least get half reimbursement. This coming Mon need to go again to appeal to waive the Notice and Warran Charges, hopefully they will grant me the appeal. Cool day, early morning gone for Hepatitis Jab- 2nd Dose. Should be vaccinated long ago after dad passed away, but delay till today. Mum keep asking, I 'buat tak tau'. Very bad girl, till someone scared me with the uprising of Hepatitis infection, then only I put a step to get vaccination. The 3rd Dose will be next year-Jan, then need to check for antibody. Hmm...what else to write, am recalling back what happen today. Actually not much- doing Ward Check, Checking antidote for Mercury Overdose, calling up Poison Centre.

Now am waiting for time to pass- wahh...as if i got a lot time. Nahh, checking mail, chatting with Lu Cheah and Angie, then writting the blog. A lot things lying on my table but don't bother to squeeze my brain to think. Wait or tomorrow lar...:) Later will have dinner beside Gleneagles- Northam Towel, Hmm..don't think I can join, really want to attend the Emend Talk since the Pharmacy going to take over CDR. Maybe will join after the talk. Oh man, tomorrow gonna work...sob sob. Quite bz this month, yet still have time to sit with mum watch Korean series movie, not bad Shirley. Have not been going for Prayer Meet, oops, that's not a good sign. Sis might be coming over this Saturday, but her talk will be at the mainland, don't know got time to meet up.

Hmmm...long day, Prayer:- Lord Father, Strengthen me Lord, cause me to be alert and sensitive to others needs, and to be a good listener, childlike faith and to be true to self in every encounter. Bless this day, bless the meeting, bless the people that i'm going to meet, Amen!

Pray for God's Covering

24th August 2005,

Wed morning. Reached hospital pretty early. Another story of eventful day- for Matthew. Heard from Eric he just met accident. The car got bang by a truck, hugh truch and the whole back bumper got injured. And it's 3 cars in a row. When I heard the news I was like "Oh No!"...What happen to Matt, is he alright? God gracious- He protected Matt, and thank God he's alright. Nothing happen, only the whole car got injury and need to send to car-clinic for check up and operation. Geee...that's pretty scary hearing accident case. Need to pray for God's covering and protection wherever we go. We just shared in Cell last week on car accident, and now this happen..shocking. This morning fetch Matt to work. Thank God not that jam after all, and I manage to reach office early. Today will be bz day- got 2 Ward Check for the whole day. " Lord, may I have strength in You- to go through the day from strength to strength and glory to glory. May this day Your Name be glorified. Thank You!"

Deep searching Deep...

22th August 2005,

Monday. It's 5.30pm Monday evening. This morning we had a Staff Meeting. It's like the Cell Group, trying to start with some ice-breaker before start the meeting, but due to time constraint I directly move on to the meeting minutes. The people are very quiet, wonder how to feel meeting up in the morning. Can't find any better time for meeting; people don't like stay back for meeting coz most of them have families. I tried to keep it short and informative and speed up the meeting..try to finish up before 9am..Geee, 1/2 hour meeting, that is not possible, what can we achieve? Finally- ended about almost 9am.

Work piling up. MSQH drawing near. A lot more things to settle, but I'm just cool, and steadfast. Got time lar, got time...don't over-stress yourself. Things are under control. Pas. Sam's sermon on Saturday was very encouraging and challenging. It knocked at the door of my heart when he mention searching deep. Going deeper. Deeper in love with Him, deeper love and longing to seek Him, deeper stretching with Him...getting deeper with Him; not a superficial one, not a surface service or devotion- going deeper for the source of life, goal and purpose.

Burned Up and not Burned Out

20th August 2005,

Saturday Morning. Wonderful Praise and Worship. Has not been experiencing this for quite some time. Pastor Sam's birthday today. We had a small Breakfast Party for Ps Sam, good time...good food:) The passage preached today is focus on Ps 84.

1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry outfor the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.

9 Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.
10 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

It's very encouraging. It's about His Glory, about His presence...nothing else matter. Like how Moses cried out: " If Your presence did not go with us, we don't want to leave this place". If Your presence not with us, it's worthless for us to move on from here, to serve and to have our being...Come and dwell in us through our workplace, our family, our church...Come and reign..

Perils of Autumn

18th August 2005,

Thurs afternoon, 4.54pm. Time to go home, want to write the blog before sign out. Thurs was fine. Early moring, do some purchasing and reports. Dr. Leong was half day, so not much of Chemo-case to do, a bit free..no need to go up ward. Just now spoken to Sister Qym regarding CDR. She's very happy we gonna take over. Myself, a bit excited, mixed with feeling of fear and inadequacy, whether can we cope? Not enough staff now, but can we cope? Can the 3 pharmacist cope then? Hopefully so. Waitng for MSQH to get over- another 18 more days to go. Thats' pretty near, are we ready for it? Can the Pharmacy Staff perform according to the standard and S.O.P. Has spoon-feed quite a lot, I expect them to able to work well.

Autumn. One of the 4 seasons: Winter--> Spring--> Summer--> Autumn. The winter is over, it should be the time for spring, but so weird...as far as I can identify, this is the time of Autumn. I've just missed Spring and Summer. Autumn is a time to be refreshed after long serving, to avoid burn-out, to rekindle passion and focus. Autumn is a time to quieten down, and to search, seek the direction from the Lord, and to be focused for the upcoming service. Autumn is the time of care-free, to be still, to be still and know that He is Lord. Am searching long, the process of autumn has been long, and it has not end, or it might end, but I just didn't realise, didn't sense of the wind of change.

Perils of Autumn- passiveness, lukewarm, complacency, holidays mood. Need to be sensitive to the chance, to understand the end of the season when it arrive, or else will lost the opportunity. It has been a while. I need to set some goals- start small, measurable, achievable, realistic with timeframe (SMART). Yeah...Eric shared this before. Where to start, Lord? Teach me, help me to identify the area to start. Not too much focus on self. Focus on You, Lord! It's all about You...Open my eyes to see, and my spiritual heart to sense Your leading, and move with You.

Jesus, we enthrone You...

18th August 2005,

Thursday morning. Went for morning prayer. 4 of us in the prayer- Pr. Sam, Maryanne, and Ivy (USM). Had a wonderful time of worship- praising God, enthrone Him and magnifying His Name over all the earth. After prayer, fetch the student back, and on my way to work. Stop by one coffee shop at Pulau Tikus, had my breakfast/Brunch for the start of the day.

Reach hospital pretty early. Pharmacy so quiet, great! Nobody here yet, am the only one. Another new day. Praying for a good start of the day- with God's wisdom to work, His joy to love and His strength to sustain. The Lord be enthroned in GMC, in Pharmacy, in my family, over my friends, Cell Group, Church....

Busy day...Pressing on

16th August 2005,

Tues. Busy day. Had a session of meeting with staff on Fire Safety and Code White. Very basic things what to do during Fire and Mass Disaster. The staff need to be awared on the Casualty flow and Plan chart. At least if any question post to them, they can answer well. Just need a few more fine tuning to get ready MSQH. Documentation almost done, a bit more, a bit more- pressed on. After Sept, got so many things coming in- It's the time to get ready to really sit down and write protocol on CDR. Quite scary, but it's challenging. Should not complaint on that. Need to make it into reality.

So much about work. Wondering back my mind- Church, service, devotion to God. Have I been a faithful servant, any pleasant testimony? If I'm not struggles on my own flesh and surrender, what does that means? What should be the next step and action plan, or initiative to draw close to God. What are the area He wants to work in me? Am I allowing Him to do so?

This Fri I won't be sharing. Matt will be leading the topic. Great, seeing Cheah Keat and Matt rising up, serving, leading, shepherding. Encouraging. What about you Shirley? What is your stand now? How do you want to take up Ministry upcoming season? How do you evaluate the season? Has the winter over? What about the autumn and spring? How do you want to move on with the life of passion, to take off the idleness and fly on the wing of eagles? Why are you weary and sadden? Have you not trust the Father?

Nothing you can do, to make Him love you more, Nothing you have done, could make Him close the door. Because of His great love, He gave His only Son, Everything was done so You would come. ...Everything was done so you would come. It is DONE, it is finished....pressed on, pressed on...come on Shirley, Press On!!! Daddy loves you!

I'm pressing on Daddy, wait for me....I'm coming, please don't go away. Wait for me, give me more time...I'm learning to walk Daddy...

Vertical, Horizontal Line...

16th August 2005,

Tuesday. Today will be having a meeting with staff- on Fire Safety and Code White. Can't imagine a Pharmacist like me require to brief the staff on such topic which I'm not familiar with. Anyway, it's time of learning for all of us too: basic topic on what to do during Fire disaster or Mass Disaster. How to use Fire Extingusher and common understanding of the Fire Break glass panel, Fire alarm, Fire Exit. Evacuation Plan etc. Sounds interesting.

Yesterday had supper with Roland and Celina. Informative discussion on Ministry. I know deep in my heart that the passion for Ministry and church has been cool. "Cooling" isn't a good word to use. I felt pretty sad yesterday after the discussion. Probably what Roland said is true- his view and stand on Ministry, yet I still find very hard to flow in the Ministry as how I used to be. And that should have some time-frame so that the passion will not be diluted and getting far off and disconnect. I understand that fully, but I still couldn't do anything. What I know is I just want to be cool down, be in the place where I can just be myself, not bound by anything. Or probably that is the rebellious natue in me. Or is it that I couldn't accept myself. Or how? I don't know, what I know is that my relationship with others isn't well, not in the sense of having dispute or bitterness towards others, not of being angry of jeolous of others. It's just the nature of me, being quite passive, and getting angry and impatience esily nowadays. Where is the fruit of the Spirit? How is my relationship with God? Am I still angry with Him? How could I? Searching deep within, I couldn't stand the brokenness felt within. Is that another rolling emotion and depair spirit? How to counter that? How to use the Word of God, to stay positive? I'm so amazed by how Roland reacted after he lost his wallet. In such time like this, he choose to praise God, to stand and praise God. If I'm in such condition how should be my reaction? If something happen around me that seems unfavourable how should I thank God? He gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord! What's wrong with me Lord? I couldn't reach Your heart.... I need Your power in me. Father, what's wrong with me? Is it me? Or I should laid my eyes off myself, focus on Him. Lift up your eyes unto the Lord, who does your help comes from, Your help comes from the Lord of the heaven and earth...

I wonder of my relationship with God. Or my relationship with others. It seems cold, cool...that it just like being injected with anaesthetic drugs- no feeling, not initiative. Am I in self pity again? Probably I should not have saying the things that pulling down the Spirit. Probably I need to choose to Praise, to Praise, to Praise...

Talking about openness, honesty. I'll be sharing the subject this Fri. It challenges me again preparing for such lesson- in which I know deep within I am not open, I'm not easily sharing out my heart, and I'm close so that not to be vulnerable to be hurt. Is it God trying to ask me to be more open, more vulnerable? Open up yourself, be yourself, don't worry to be hurt. It's okay- trust me to heal.

Oh God! I'm so tired. Revive my heart once again...

Ps 119: 33-40

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes,

And I shall keep it to the end.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law;

Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of Your commandments,

For I delight in it. Incline my heart to Your testimonies, And not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,

And revive me in Your way......

Revive me in Your righteousness.

Weekend...just can't wait.

13th August 2005,

Saturday. Each time scribble something in my blog, I'll be thinking of how fast the time fly. It's near weekend, Saturday. I long for saturday and Sunday to come. Great!

This morning drive to work. Haze in Penang getting bad. Can't even see the mainland from my balcony. That's pretty bad. Wonder what's going on? So much changes in the world. Earlier few months, we talk about Tsunami, then 2nd Tsunami, then 3rd Tsunami- prophesy on the destruction of Penang island, then now terrible haze. Is it a sign, some alarm or warning sign God trying to get to us? Yeah...hmmm...to wake up, to rise up from all the worldly pursue and to press on pursuing His and His eternity? To have a change, a transformation paradigm shift- drawing closer, closer to Him. Obeying Him and His Word in everything. To set ourselves pure and holy, blameless till the end of the day of Christ coming? I don't know, only God knows.

Yesterday real real tired. Never been so tired before. Probably has been long not going out supper as this hour. Sign of aging probably. Yesterday High Step was good. Yeah, a learning and reminder again about pure life, conduct in relationship. One thing catch my attention: "Do not awaken love until it is desired". Truly said, but sadly speaking at such society, it has been norm on freedom of the understanding of sex. It's not conservative anymore. People joke about sex so easily, and even for movie, 8 out of 10 movies will have the sexual scenes to lure the audience. It has been consider a norm here. Even for Christian, to watch movie together...what should be the reaction when the scene appeared? Oh oh...can't see? :) Yeah...so what should we do? Banned from all movies, be prayful, Soaking more into His Word, into worship and passion in Him, so that He will able to quieten the love that has been awaken? Not sure, something for us to ponder through.

Hmm..got to get back to work. Half day, Saturday- as usual busiest day.

Lord, grant me a great day this day- good communication with my staff, a time of love and appreciation for all the things You had placed on my path. Surrendering this day to Your embrace, knowing You're here with me always; therefore I will not be afraid- Trust in You My Lord, Amen!

Praise the Lord!

12th August 2005,

Fri. So fast, almost end of the week. Days passing real speedily. Praise the Lord. Things under control today. I had a small chat with Choong. She's doing okie, able to response well, and the In-Patient TTA has resume back it's operation in order. Has short meeting with Staff on Ward Check, things should be going great. The Staff has actually been improving, just that sometimes I complaint too much, and putting too high expectation that will subsequently put some stress on others.

Learning each day to love my staff, to able to open up the communication. Praise the Lord, overall..work has been good. Tonight will be High Step. Has been cut off from Church Fellowship for quite sometimes. Not really...has been involved in church, CG etc, yet still couldn't able to blend in as before. Especially CG members, why? Is it because most already attached? Maybe I'm over-sensitive. I notice I couldn't really talk to my CG members nowadays, why? Maybe I'm just sensitive,.... probably I need to make initiative to greet them, rather than waiting for them to approach me. Need to be proactive. Praise God, later we will be having dinner with Winnie and Andrew. Seem that they had been blend in the group well. Matt has been doing real great job in follow-upping. Myself, slack a lot in follow-up. Has been quite passive these while. Probably sign of aging.....Not easily to laugh. More solemn nowdays. Should laugh more, laugh at my foolishness, laugh at the problems, laugh at the rigidity...and be cool:)

Time of Refreshing

11th August 2005,

Thursday morning. Yesterday I told off Choong of not following the SOP, and shift her to Out-Pt before MSQH. Of course she will not be happy about it. Meeting, meeting and meeting. Another 27days before MSQH. Already pass on the job description and expectation to the staff, hopefully things will be in order. On my side, I need to get into my documentation. Paperwork, paperwork. System, system....

Last nite Prayer Meeting was cool. Sense of deep presence of God with us.

Time of refreshing, here in Your Presence,

No greater blessing than be with You,

My soul is restored, my mind is renewed,

There's no greater joy Lord

than being with You

Praying for another cool great new day, trusting god's presence with us, His Spirit move us....

Staffing Issue

10th August 2005,

Wednesday morning. Today is a good day. I want to believe it. In fact everyday is a good day and every new day God's unfolding His Glory in our lives. Early morning, reached office. I tried to come eraly, before 8.30am. Want to set myself example for others to follow regarding punctuality yet people still late. Got a disagreement with Choong over the In-Patient Supplying System. We usually supplied drugs according to the schedule- every 3-4 days (Twice Weekly) but she has been acting on her own discretion, to use shortcut, supplied 7 days (whole week). Her reason is that it's faster and save more time. Of course save more time,but higher chances of wrong charging and pt TTA not contra. This lady has been tellling the other colleague of the lousy twice weekly system. Why others don't complaint, and she does?

I asked her come in my room, am still waiting for her to come in. She quiet. Oh man! It's so difficult deal with people who just don't want to obey and always like to do own way. If that's the case, should I take a disciplinary action? How to start on that? Pls don't force me to take displinary action. I don't want to see things sour up and get the staff scared of the management. Lord, lead how to handle this? Am I really been bossy? Am I seem like dictator? I really don't think so Lord. I do listen to the complaints of others, and I want to give my best, to improve in the area seem necessary. Is it wrong for me to request and set certain level of expectation on the staff? For them to be competant, to be more efficient? Lord, i really don't know, please lead me to talk to this lady. I'm not good in expressing ideas, I pray that You help me to get the ideas across, that the people will understand my concern and heartbeat.

Early Bird

9th August 2005,

Tuesday Morning. Reached hospital very early, about 7.30am. The Pharmacy Department very quiet. Take the time to say a little prayer. "God I need your wisdom today, God bless my staff- their family, their health, their life. Father, help me to love them and lead me to lead them, God, help me to be a blessing and testimony"

Yesterday Mag shared her concern on staff's discipline. Whether should we take displinary action on those talking on phone while working. Oh, she realise that as well? I've been telling the staff not to do it, but they still continue, so what can I do? I don't want to act till taking displinary action or giving warning letter. That will really sour up the relationship with my staff. But pleasing man or doing the right thing? Which is the right thing, and when's the right time. Need His wisdom. This afternoon will be having another staff meeting. I'll need to facillitate the discussion on the common questions for mSQH so that the staff will able to familiarize with the correct P&P. Pray that they will be receptive and not offended by the high expectation from me;)

This morning prayer was good. A time of repentance of our own dependence, pride and self-reliance. We don't even realise that. A question for us to ponder everyday. Are we relying on God each day, in our workplace, our crisis, our family, our relationship? How are we relying on Him? We decrease, He increase? Die to self, live for Christ. May the power of His resurrection empower us today. Because He lives, we can see tomorrow....

A good start for ladies

6th Aug 2005,

It's Saturday, end of the week. As usual, work; as usual Pharmacy full with noise- start of the day. They're talking about Mr Cheah's car. Not sure what's the gossip and chatting about. Can't keep up to that and won't want to involve in the things that is not beneficial. Worthless chatter, but I have been quiet. Head of Department should talk more, to know how to stir the group into excitement. My Finance Manager usually will come to Dispensary once a while to 'sembang' with the staff. But how come I find difficult. See how it goes, don't want to pressuring myself to much on that.

Yesterday Ladies Nite. Wow, can't believe I facilitate, with so lack of experience I share on the matter in regards purity and virginity. At some moment, there are silence, at some point we divert the sharing to guys. Ooops, at some point, we laugh and blush. Overall, we had great time. And it's the start of the ladies fellowship. The sharing is pretty normal- everyone go through, it's just sometimes too personal to share. We finished very late. 12am leave Sharon's house, then fetch Jasmine back, talk further in the car till 1am. Wow..man, I'm so tired. But it's nice. I learned to be opened, and learn to accept encouragement and edification from others.

The Pharmacy seems real noisy now. Should I just leave it as it is, or walk out and join the crowd? Or see what they're doing. Sometimes, it's just out of my control. God, I need your intervention. Teach me what to do.

Management Support

2nd August 2005,

Today busy day. Has been running up and down for the MSQH P&P and the CDR validation. Has been really tired. Seem that all that I've done lacking of support, from staff, from Management and from others. Sometimes just feel like giving up, pushing through, pushing hard yet it just seem can't get through. It's like pushing the huge giant wall, huge stone, huge barrier. What happen Lord? I know You're in this, surely You're with me, but why it's just so difficult to push through? Has been long, I am tired. Again, I am so tired of people. What is the lesson? Pls help! I couldn't push again, without You.

Just do my best, lower down my expectation, trying to motivate staff. Or love them. How to love them? Things not done accordingly, no standard. How to inspire this people when the boss is not inspired? I need Your inspiration Lord. Revive me again, Give me a fresh understanding and movitation. Only You able.

Through it All

1th Aug 2005,

It's Monday, almost half a year of 2005 gone. Time flies. Last week CG was good, we shared and reviewed together on what the Lord has done in our lives for the past half year ago. People come, people go. A lot of changes and ups and downs. Some grown and filled with beautiful experiences, some has slacked and gone through turmoils and stagnant life. In all and of all, the Lord is still good and faithful, and worthy to be praised. It's the assurance of His love and unfailing compassion that lead us through. Through it all, through it all, He sees us through.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go